


Far Away, So Close

by InevitableSky11



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Adult Content, Angst, Explicit Language, F/M, My First AO3 Post, POV First Person, Random & Short, Season/Series 06, Sexual Content, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-03
Updated: 2015-10-03
Packaged: 2018-04-24 12:50:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4920283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InevitableSky11/pseuds/InevitableSky11
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A short, sexual, angst ridden scene between Buffy and Spike. Set sometime between Wrecked and As You Were. Spike's POV.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Far Away, So Close

She kissed me, hard. Her lips open against mine, our tongues clashing. She caught my bottom lip between her teeth, and I heard myself moan into her mouth. But she didn't slow. She pinned me against the wall with all her strength, digging the stake into my bare skin. She was a tiny little thing, but I had no doubt that she was stronger than me. 'Course, I'd never admit it. But backed into the wall with her stake pointed at my chest - admittedly, a little off the mark - as she ravaged my mouth, I knew that she held all the power. Not that she needed a bloody stake to hold me at bay.

She wouldn't even look at me. She started working my belt loose from my pants with one hand, still keeping the stake to my chest. I could feel her shaking as she fumbled with the zipper. I had never dared to fight her before - didn't want to, before. But something wasn't right. I pushed her back, holding her at arm's length. 

"Slayer?" My voice was concerned. 

"What?" She hissed, stepping away from me. She threw the stake down, finally looking at me. "What, Spike?" 

Her eyes were wide and she was still trembling. I couldn't read her expression. But this wasn't how it was supposed to be. She was supposed to bloody enjoy it - kissing me. But she looked like she was about to cry. I felt my chest tighten. 

"Buffy," I tried. "What's wr - " But she turned from me, started walking away. I hated it. She wouldn't even talk to me anymore. At least before, she'd tell me what was going on in her head. God knows why, but she did. But now I'm left trying to read her mind through the way she moves with me. Now all we have is shagging. Never thought I'd be complaining about that. But that's all it is, and I can't even give her that the way she wants me to. Not when she's looking at me like she's going to break down in tears. 

She was at the door when I lifted myself off the wall she'd held me against. I grabbed her arm before she could leave. 

"Buffy." I didn't know what to say. She didn't care what I had to say, anyway. But she stood, waiting. "I'm sorry, Buffy, I -" 

"Sorry for what?" She demanded, standing in the open doorway.

I honestly didn't know. Sorry she looked so bloody miserable all the time? Sorry she was alive? Sorry she hated every second of it. Sorry I was all she had. Sorry I'd stopped her from taking what she wanted.  
If she wanted to fuck, then I could fuck. Anyway, the way she was looking at me now, more angry than broken, wasn't hurting. 

I closed the door behind her, had her stuck between my arms. My hand fisted in her perfect fucking hair as I pulled her face up to meet mine. Her breath was hot in my face. 

"This is what you want, isn't it?" She asked, her voice husky. She grabbed me by the hips and pulled me hard against her body. 

It was. It really was. But Buffy had a way of giving me everything I wanted in a way that made me hate myself. 

She arched her body again. She gripped me with one hand while fumbling to pull her clothes off with the other. I helped her along, pulling her shirt over her head. My hand trailed down into her wet panties and I could feel the heat radiating there. 

"Spike," she moaned. 

"Buffy."

"I hate myself when I'm with you." She says it so quietly, I think I must have imagined it.  
Is this the kind of thing she thinks about when my lips are moving on her throat? With my fingers buried inside her? I felt a smile spread across my face, even though her words stung. Her blood pulsed just under her skin.  
She was right, of course. I could taste the hate on her. She taunted me with it.

"I love you," I told her. And it was true. Payback. 

She sobbed into my shoulder as our bodies joined.


End file.
